Filterworld
Not Another Post About Quitting Instagram
Algorithmic recommendations are addictive because they are always subtly confirming your own cultural, political, and social biases, warping your surroundings into a mirror image of yourself while doing the same for everyone else. This had made me anxious, the possibility that my view of my own life—lived through the Internet—was a fiction formed by the feeds. - Filterworld by Kyle Chaka
This year for Lent, I gave up social media. Actually, giving up social media was a New Year’s resolution, it just took me a couple months to work up to it, so we called it my Lenten sacrifice ;)
January rolled around, and found me…tired. Bone deep, feel it in your soul tired. At first I chalked it up to post holiday blues, maybe a little bit of a food coma from the indulgence of the holidays. But when the feeling wouldn’t lift, I grew concerned about my health, and did a battery of tests, which, in their inconclusiveness, led me to what I knew all along. I was exhausted.
Like most of you reading this, I wear a lot of hats. Actually, I think the better analogy is, I juggle a lot of spinning plates.
It’s everything right?
It’s the mommy-ing: guarding their health, nurturing their souls, stewarding their hearts, building their minds.
It’s the wife-ing: keeping a patient heart, tending the spark, softening, forgiving, loving.
It’s the work-ing: budgeting, doing the work, being great at your job even when all you want is to hold your babies all day and walk barefoot in the garden (anyone else, just me?).
It’s the liv-ing: showing up whole, spirit fed, body strong, hair done, not totally unraveling in your leggings. Feeling some level of confidence and attractiveness whilst you compare yourself to everyone around you, making sure you have friends and you’re not a recluse.
As if that’s not enough, you add in the news and social commentary. In 10 minutes of waking up, you’ve watched 15 ads, 12 news stories, and 200 opinions on why everything you believe is wrong, and how the world is heading to hell in an Elon shaped basket.
It’s. All. Too. Much.
And I knew something had to give.
So, I removed one piece of the puzzle from this equation, social media.
I really believed that if I could quiet my mind, I could quiet my soul. I could find my health, find my peace, find my joy.
The last time I did this, beyond a weekend break, it lasted 3 years, ha! I don’t know if this is a 3 year stretch, but it’s past Easter, and I don’t see a return date in my future quite yet.
Despite my efforts, I haven’t quite reached quiet my mind status. I’m still in phase one of this multi step process. But, God, in His grace, in this “pre-quiet” quiet, has still been speaking to me, and it’s enough to keep me going, and motivate me to keep chasing after it.
What I thought was going to be a linear A--start with less screen time to Z--Find inner peace, is turning out to be a jumbled up quest where I find myself settling in to the discomfort of becoming. I hate to use that word as I feel like it’s been overdone to the point of cliche. But it’s the best word to describe it.
By not watching other people live their lives through Instagram Stories everyday, I’ve stepped into a weird kind of grace where I’m almost an observer in my own life. I step out of situations where I’m usually critical, or self-shaming, and I’m present enough in my mind to ask myself, “why did I feel like that? what is this feeling rising up in me tied to? how can I do that or say that better tomorrow?”
From having daily migraines in January, I have maybe 1 or 2 a month now. I’m exercising. I’m not eating my stress or my feelings. I’m holding my tongue and not reacting explosively, not to stuff my emotions down, but to exercise self control, to acknowledge the power in my tongue, to take stock of my thoughts and bring them to submission.
2 Corinthians 10:5 take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
So what’s the point of this blog? Maybe it’s simply this:
If anything I’ve said has stirred something in you: a hunger for quiet, or just a question you haven’t had space to ask, then I hope you’ll keep reading.
One of the first books I read during this fast was Filterworld by Kyle Chaka. He talks about how algorithms have flattened culture and we all basically like the same things now. It’s so disorienting to be in your 30s and realize you don’t even know yourself. Do you like the things you like because you want to or because you’ve been influenced to? Are you discipled more by your algorithm than you are by truth? Maybe it’s time to put your phone down and dig into it.
This is just the beginning. I’ll be sharing journal entries, reflections, and whatever else God whispers along the way. I’d be honored to walk this quiet path together.
I don’t want this newsletter to be just another voice in the noise. If anything, I hope it feels like a moment of repose in your inbox: a breath, not a burden. That’s the kind of space I’m committed to creating here.
I’d love it if you subscribed.