Regret, Remorse, and Repentance
Coming Home When You’re Tired of Avoiding God
I’m well acquainted with regret. Eating takeout 5/7 days this week and gaining 2 pounds this month? Regret.
I’m close friends with remorse: “Lord, I’m giving my heart away to distraction. I promised You I wouldn’t, but I did. And I am so sorry.”
Repentance? I’m not so sure.
Because remorse, regret, and repentance are not the same thing.
Regret feels bad, but it doesn’t change direction.
“I hate how this made me feel.”
“I wish I hadn’t gone that far.”
“I don’t like the consequences.”
Remorse can be sincere and emotional and still keep you stuck.
“This isn’t who I want to be.”
“I’m disappointed in myself.”
“I feel terrible over my choices.”
For a long time, I thought repentance was dramatic.
To me, it looked like Matthew 5:30. Cutting off your arm or gouging out your eye if it causes you to sin. But after I read that chapter again, I realized that isn’t repentance.
Remorse, regret, and shame convince us that what we need is more willpower.
“I overate today. I’ll restrict tomorrow to make up for it.”
“I messed up again. I’ll be stricter next time.”
But what we actually need is more truth.
Repentance isn’t proven by how extreme your punishments are. Friends, if punishment worked, it would have worked by now.
If Matthew 5:30 tells us anything, it’s this: Stop protecting the thing that’s killing your intimacy with God.
God isn’t asking you to cut off your arm. He’s asking you to stop hiding your heart. He is nearer than your guilt suggests.
Repentance is not:
vowing harder
proving you’re serious this time
minimizing your sin
striving for the perfect redemption story arc
Repentance is turning back to God as you are. Without hiding, numbing, bargaining.
or trying to dictate the outcome. Repentance is surrender. It isn’t dramatic. It literally just means to turn.
Turning your face back toward God when you’re tired of looking at everything else.
Agreeing with God’s Word and then taking the next faithful step, not fixing your entire life overnight.
God isn’t waiting for you to prove you’re serious this time. He’s waiting for you to stop running from Him.
If you’re like me, you’re used to running, to numbing, to scrolling, to busyness…but healing often begins with retraining your nervous system to trust God again.
Psalm 51: Repentance without performance
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love…”
David doesn’t begin with promises or vows or “I’ll never do this again.” He begins by reminding himself of God’s unchanging character. Repentance always starts there.
Not:
“I’ve messed up again.”
But:
“God, You are merciful.”
If repentance starts with willpower or self-condemnation, it’ll collapse. If it starts with God’s love, it’ll hold you.
Some of us were trained to chase feeling instead of faithfulness. So when God feels distant, your body panics. And it reaches for noise. Something to feel. Food, sex, alcohol, social media, Netflix.
When we stop seeing God in our daily lives, especially if you were taught to believe that His presence is equated with favor, growth, signs and wonders. Seasons of dryness, stillness, emptiness, quiet, can feel debilitating. It feels easier to hide. It becomes easier and easier to leave the Bible on the shelf and live like He’s distant.
But it’s slowly draining us, and we’ll wake up one day with an internal emptiness that matches everything we feel on the outside. We have to fight that lie.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father…’
But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.
‘Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.”
(Luke 15:17–18, 20, 23–24)
Your prayers might be starting to feel hollow because they sound like: “God I’m sorry, please forgive me, I’ll do better.”
When what God is actually inviting is: “God, I don’t want You, and that scares me. I want Your hand more than Your heart right now, and I’m ashamed about that. I don’t know how to sit with You when You feel silent. Help me seek You and Your heart again.”
Repentance doesn’t leave you out in the cold. It doesn’t leave you bloodied or bruised. The prodigal son comes home to a party. David asks God to restore his joy.
God’s nearness, promised in His word, is what breaks the cycle of sin. Not a feeling, not emotional intensity. His nearness. Us drawing closer to Him, and Him always ready to receive us.
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” (James 4:8)
Nothing draws people out of hiding like the truth that God is already near.
He isn’t waiting for you to conquer before drawing near. He’s waiting for you to stop hiding, and to stop trying to conquer it alone.
If this feels like a place you’d like to return to, you’re welcome here.